Roller Coaster of Tears

Praise Reports

• I heard from my contact in the Philippines!
• I have had amazing substitutes to cover my class while I take care of business!
• God provides!

Prayer Requests

• Wisdom, especially with time and financial management (Proverbs 8)
• Intimacy with the Holy Spirit
• Spiritual protection
• Boldness to declare what I am being sent to do. It's more than just teach English. It's teaching that Jesus is worth all of my life.

The last few days have been such a roller coaster of events, emotions, and preparations.

I went to the dentist a while ago and have no cavities even though it'd been around 4-5 years since my last visit. Praise the Lord! I went to the orthodontist and got a new retainer. God totally provided for both of these visits even though my insurance didn't cover them.

I heard from my contact in the Philippines, so I have a lot more direction about what to pack. I wept tears of relief, joy, and repentance. Relief because I had begun to get worried. Joy because I am so excited about what I am going to do. Repentance because I had let worry and anxiety sneak in even though I know God's words are true. I found out that I cannot wear tank tops and my shorts have to be knee length. I am excited about this as this is how I like to dress. I have an excuse now! lol.

Monday was my birthday. My co-worker Rachel bought me a ladybug cake, a dozen roses, a ladybug balloon, and a gift card. It was so sweet of her! My students were so precious! They made cards for me and teased me and asked me not to leave. I just gave them hugs and told them Someone bigger than me had asked me to go. :-) My room mom brought me a giant birthday card signed by all my kids and a cupcake cake. I celebrated the evening with my closest girlfriends by going to a Greek restaurant and playing "Just Dance" on Wii.

Tuesday, Paige, Tiffany, Nathan, Michelle, Keith and I had a 'jam session.' We hung out, worshipped, sang, and talked about how great Heaven is going to be. We talked about how going to Heaven is just graduation and is to be a celebration. It was ironic in a sense because...

On my way home, I received a phone call that a friend of mine- Chris Kuykendall- had died in a single car accident. He flipped his jeep somehow. He was only 26.

It's been a rough week realizing that this abandoned worshipper is in heaven. I was so sober at work on Wednesday. I haven't told my kids why yet. I was supposed to have a chiropractic appointment that evening, and go through the rest of my stuff to sell for the garage sale. During work, an impromptu memorial service was scheduled. My plan was to go to the chiro, then to the service. A few minutes before my chiro appointment, I looked at Chris' facebook page to double check its time and location. I lost it. I had Paige call my chiro and cancel my appointment. I arrived at the memorial service with a new roll of toilet paper and used a good portion of it, wiping away my tears and others'. I was asked to pray for Chris' girlfriend and her family. What an honor that was, but wow. I cannot imagine her sorrow, questions, and pain right now. Please keep Carolyn Dotti in your prayers, as well as Chris' family.

It is strange to grieve and mourn. The Lord promises that we will be comforted. And I have indeed been comforted. The Lord also says that we do not grieve like those who have no hope. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will see Chris again in heaven. And I know that there will come a day that I do not weep, but smile, at the thought of him. But the Lord does not say that we are not supposed to mourn a loss. Ecclesiastes says that there is a time for mourning. Yet, it is such an option to grieve. You can either bottle up the emotions or let God. If you hold onto the emotions, they can get stagnant. But when we give God the emotions to bottle up, He turns them into something beautiful.

Psalm 56:8

⁸You ^{A)" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">(A)}have taken account of my wanderings;

Put my ^{B)" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">(B)}tears in Your bottle
Are they not in ^{C)" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">(C)}Your book?

Psalm 126:5-6

⁵Those who sow in ^{H)" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">(H)}tears shall reap with ^{I)" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">(I)}joyful shouting.

⁶He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed,
Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

So, I welcome the tears. And there have been a lot of them. I spent most of Thursday morning (which I had already planned to have off) shedding them and giving them to God to put in a bottle. If I have learned anything in the last few months, I have learned that it is not shameful to cry.

I want Chris' graduation to heaven to be a life changing moment for me. He lived his life in a such a way that every single person who even just met him once was impacted. Chris always had a smile on his face and was genuinely concerned for the welfare of every person around him. He worshipped God to the point of his own discomfort, usually dripping in sweat by the end of a worship set. I want to live a life like that, but in the way God has called me. And for this reason, I am moving to the Philippines.

I am gladly leaving all my materialistic stuff behind in a life abandoned to loving Jesus Christ. This is one act of worship that I pray is followed by many more secrets acts.

Thursday evening, through the help of some good conversations with friends, I managed to finish going through all the stuff I was selling for my garage sale.

Friday I loaded up all my stuff and took it to my brother's house. My dad had loaned out his truck to his friends, so my furniture stuff was lacking in transportation. Nathan borrowed a truck from one of his friends and came to the rescue. Nathan, you rock! Thank you!! Paige helped load, unload, and price stuff. Paige, you are an amazing servant! Thank you!!!!!

Jack (my brother) was on a business trip, but was supposed be back Friday evening. Because of the rainstorm in DFW, that didn't happen. So, the host of the garage sale was absent until after 9am Saturday.

I woke up around 6am to finish pricing things. As I walked into the garage, I realized that this was going to be more difficult than I expected. The wall shelf where I had hung all my clothes was on the ground. The bottles on top of the shelf were no longer in tact. People were showing up. AHHHHH!!!!

Jack's roommates and I managed to clean everything up, shake out all the glass from the clothes and make some money. I definitely profited from the sale of clothes!!!! :-) Thank You, Lord, for favor!!!

And now I'm off to a college roommate's bridal shower, then back to Jack's for a crawfish boil. God is good, even in the midst of such a crazy whirlwind of events.