Oh Baby!

If I've said it before, I'll say it again: Life is ever-changing here. The whirlwind I live in has prevented me from updating. So, here is the last few weeks of my life:

First though, I must explain my settings as I write this. I thought I had adjusted to all of the bugs and strange critters in my home. This week, black, flying stink bugs invaded our home and I just saw a mouse running across the rafters. The bugs are attracted to light and to me. Sometimes they bite. I'm thinking about making a game of "how far can I flick the bug." Loser has to eat one. Apparently the frog doesn't mind losing.

Anyway....

At my last post, I was taking care of Aubrey. I even had the privilege of taking Aubrey to the doctor for her 3 week check up where she was given creams, special formula, and special instructions about her sensitive skin. Aubrey's mom came home from taking her tests on Tuesday, November 9. Aubrey was so excited to see her mom and her mom was so excited to see her beautiful baby girl. I was grateful to be able to get to my tasks of preparing for the future even though I enjoyed being with her so much. Unfortunately on Thursday, Aubrey's mom developed shingles and had to be in isolation so that her baby girl and the rest of IFL would not get chicken pox. I was appointed as primary caretaker for Aubrey.

For the hygienic safety of the baby and the mom, infants here are not permitted to leave their house until they are one month old. So, I missed the dedication ceremony for the girl's dorm that was built, and the official groundbreaking on the school building project. I also missed church. Judith helped me with Aubrey on that day, though, so I could at least get a nap in, and a change of scenery. She is wonderful!

At the same time that I was appointed to round two of Mommy Duty, I was also assigned to be the trainer for the SSRW program. This is the same training I did in China. In China, however, Judith was the lead trainer and did most of the talking. Judith is in Malaysia doing a children's Vacation Bible School right now. That leaves me in charge. I am training three people who will start a school in China in a primarily unreached city. What an opportunity to expand the kingdom! :-) They want to start the school for the eventual purpose of evangelism.

Needless to say, these duties were (and are) big tasks. Aubrey was only 3 weeks old when I first started to take care of her. She ate every 2 hours- even in the night. So, while most women in the states get 6 weeks of maternity leave, I got none. Overnight I became a working mom with an infant. What a challenge!

I absolutely LOVED every minute of being "Mommy 2." God taught me so much about Him, myself, and being a mom. At the risk of scaring away any "potentials", I make the next statement: I CAN'T WAIT to be a full-time mom! :-)

Taking care of Aubrey was such a challenge, though. Her nights and days are not on the same schedule as my nights and days. So, she was often awake every hour at night. That meant I was too. There were days that I was absolutely exhausted, but I still had to teach the SSRW program, teach Tina, and do laundry. The Lord provided wonderful people to help. I had to learn to receive it.

In that time away from Aubrey, Tina learned how to use glue for the first time. She is so proud of herself! I also bought her clipboard and scissors that make it easier for her to cut, draw, and hold papers. She is enjoying learning how to be independent in these physical tasks at the same time that she is learning English. She is such a blessing! She wants to be a pastor when she grows up. And what an amazing message she will have to share!

Aubrey has basically been my world for the past week. She taught me so much!

I realized that people who have their own children are given advice all the time. I learned how to take advice from others and how to pretend to take advice when it was not needed. I also learned how to ask for it. I learned how to make bottles in the middle of the night and how to stay awake while giving them. I learned that I can safely sleep with a baby in my bed. I learned how to consistently burp a baby and how to keep her quiet in the night so the roommates didn't wake up. I learned how to let others take care of Aubrey when I needed rest or needed to do something else. I learned that spit up is not that big of a deal. I learned that when I am spit up on in the middle of the night, I can take a towel, dry it off, and go back to sleep. I learned that baby pee in my lap looks like I am the one who peed. (But I didn't change my clothes until after Aubrey had a bath and succeeded in spitting up all over me and then falling asleep.)

I learned how to have "family time" even when it is just a baby and a mommy. I learned how to pray over a baby in such a way that the baby is brought from fear to peace. I learned how to love in a way I never had to love before.

Because of my duties, I barely had time to write in my journal or connect with the Lord for myself. I would try to write and just when I got settled into my thoughts, Aubrey would need to be burped, need a diaper change, need a bottle, or it was my window of time to eat or sleep. I was constantly rocking and "dancing" with Aubrey to sooth her cries and often upset stomach. I learned that to take care of her was my worship to the Lord.

On Monday, November 15th, I had the privilege of going to the monthly J-Rev meeting while my wonderful roommate Nancy watched Aubrey. During worship, I wanted to dance for the Lord so badly. But the only moves that came to me were the ones I had been doing while holding Aubrey the whole week.

So, while we sang, "Oh How He Loves Us" I realized that I am always just a little baby in God's arms. He sings over me and sways back and forth, trying to sooth my temper tantrums and lack of understanding. He holds me in whatever position will make me calm. When Aubrey got upset, I did not. I just kept singing to her, praying over her, swinging her, and dancing with her. That's the same thing that God does with us. While holding a crying Aubrey, I never once thought, "I wish she would just calm down at the first thing I try!" God, while holding a crying us never thinks, "I wish she would just calm down at the first thing I do for her!" God is eternally patient. He keeps doing what it takes to convince us that we are safe enough to sleep and rest in His arms. He will put us in whatever position we need to be in for us to acknowledge that He will never leave us nor forsake us and that He loves us perfectly.

In taking care of Aubrey, I learned a little more of how jealous God is for us. It was SO HARD for me to let other people watch her and take care of her. Even though she is not mine, I love her so much. I love holding her while I feed her. I love burping her. I love kissing her little head. I love holding her hands and counting her toes. I love watching her smile and hearing her grunts and coos after a full feeding. I love her little "outie" belly button. I love everything about her.

When other people watched her while I worked, I wanted them to love her and treat her like I do. But I had to let go. The people who watched her are wonderful and very capable. But it was still so hard to let go. There was and is such an attachment between Aubrey and I. When I was away, I would know the exact moments she woke up, the exact moments she was fussy, the exact moments she wanted me near. But I had to trust others to take care of her and trust their methods of comforting her. I was jealous over her. How much more the Lord is jealous over us! And when He gives us friendships, we are being entrusted with His precious babies! Let us look to Him and learn how He wants us to take care of the friendships we are entrusted with.

Aubrey's mom is back now. She still cannot breastfeed until the medicine is out of her system, but she is enjoying being mommy again. Please keep this transition in your prayers. Her mom had to be gone for 5 days for her tests, then was gone for 10 days due to her illness. Aubrey got very used to me in those 15 days- half of her little life. And I got very used to Aubrey. But Aubrey was just on loan to me. My role now is "ninong"- godmother. I want to help Aubrey's mom to be mom and me get out of the way.

In other news, the training is going great. The missionary/teacher/students are fast, patient, and studious learners. They have also been an amazing help with Aubrey. We have been conducting the training in their bedroom so that we can operate on our own time and so I could help with Aubrey when I was needed. I am so excited about their vision for this school. Feel free to pray for them as the Lord leads. Their names are Mabel (Chinese), Edith (American), and Kathy (American, but not going to be teaching in the school, just getting trained for the future).

I am coming back to the states for Christmas. I will be in the states from December 21-Jan 5. I can't guarantee that I will be able to see everyone. It is a very strategic trip home, but I would like to see as many as the Lord allows. I can't wait to hug people who have known me for longer than 5 months!!!!! :-)