Sojourner: My Quiet Time This Morning

I had a really good encounter with God this morning and felt led to share some of the things I learned today.

Let me begin by saying this... Even though I know I am supposed to be here, I still wrestle with my desires to be in other places.  When something doesn't go my way, or when I don't understand, I get these thoughts inside my head that repeat like a skipping CD, "It would be so much better in this other place.  I don't want to be here anymore.  I want to do x, not this."  At the same time these thoughts go through my head, I look around and see the people, the ministry and what I am doing and love it.  I know God is using me and I love being His vessel.

So, this morning, I was frustrated with my double-mindedness and asked God to take it from me.  God said, "No."  Knowing that He wasn't done speaking to this, I continued to listen.  Here is what He led me to discover.

This double-mindedness is just proof that I live for another home.  America or any other place I go or want to go is not my home.  His heart is the place that I will live forever.  My double-mindedness is just the calling to live as a sojourner in the land.  I am to look at the patriarchs of the Bible (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses) as my example.  They never really settled into their promised land (a literal location) until their hearts were at home with the Lord.

I read Hebrews 11:8-27 this morning with new insight.  Even once these patriarchs lived in the land of Israel, they new it was not their true, permanent location.  They lived knowing that God Himself was their inheritance; to be with Him is their permanent location.  When they were homesick, it was for heaven, not the place they left.  I want to live like them.

The patriarchs looked to the Messiah as their encouragement to throw away their pleasures and to endure hardship- including homesickness.  They truly fixed their eyes on Him.  Worship is fixing our eyes on God (with or without music).  Worship is the place where we 'leave' this earth and its pleasures behind.  It's the place where we experience the superior pleasure of knowing God.  

I have a new definition of what it means to be a missionary now.  A missionary is one who looks to God as his/her inheritance. One who looks to God to come down but knows He won't return forever (i.e. Second Coming) until He is made at home in another's heart.  Missionary.  Sojourner on this earth. One who lives to be in heaven more than in a nation.

In this way, we can all be missionaries, right where we are at.  The Lord Himself is my home.

Excerpts from Hebrews 11:8-27 Amplified Version

⁸[Urged on] by faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed and went forth to a place which he was destined to receive as an inheritance; and he went, although he did not know or trouble his mind about where he was to go.

    ⁹[Prompted] by faith he dwelt as a temporary resident in the land which was designated in the promise [of God, though he was like a stranger] in a strange country, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs with him of the same promise.^(D)

    ¹⁰For he was [waiting expectantly and confidently] looking forward to the city which has fixed and firm foundations, whose Architect and Builder is God.

   

    ¹³These people all died controlled and sustained by their faith, but not having received the tangible fulfillment of [God's] promises, only having seen it and greeted it from a great distance by faith, and all the while acknowledging and confessing that they were strangers and temporary residents and exiles upon the earth.^(G)

    ¹⁴Now those people who talk as they did show plainly that they are in search of a fatherland (their own country).

    ¹⁵If they had been thinking with [homesick] remembrance of that country from which they were emigrants, they would have found constant opportunity to return to it.

    ¹⁶But the truth is that they were yearning for and aspiring to a better and more desirable country, that is, a heavenly [one]. For that reason God is not ashamed to be called their God [even to be surnamed their God--the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob], for He has prepared a city for them.^(H)

    ¹⁷By faith Abraham, when he was put to the test [while the testing of his faith was ^[d]still in progress], ^[e]had already brought Isaac for an offering; he who had gladly received and welcomed [God's] promises was ready to sacrifice his only son,^(I)

    ¹⁸Of whom it was said, Through Isaac shall your descendants be reckoned.^(J)

    ¹⁹For he reasoned that God was able to raise [him] up even from among the dead. Indeed in the sense that Isaac was figuratively dead [potentially sacrificed], he did [actually] receive him back from the dead.

    ²⁰[With eyes of] faith Isaac, looking far into the future, invoked blessings upon Jacob and Esau.^(K)

    ²¹[Prompted] by faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph's sons and bowed in prayer over the top of his staff.^(L)

    ²²[Actuated] by faith Joseph, when nearing the end of his life, referred to [the promise of God for] the departure of the Israelites out of Egypt and gave instructions concerning the burial of his own bones.^(M)

    ²³[Prompted] by faith Moses, after his birth, was kept concealed for three months by his parents, because they saw how comely the child was; and they were not overawed and terrified by the king's decree.^(N)

    ²⁴[Aroused] by faith Moses, when he had grown to maturity and ^[f]become great, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter,^(O)

    ²⁵Because he preferred to share the oppression [suffer the hardships] and bear the shame of the people of God rather than to have the fleeting enjoyment of a sinful life.

    ²⁶He considered the contempt and abuse and shame [borne for] the Christ (the Messiah Who was to come) to be greater wealth than all the treasures of Egypt, for he looked forward and away to the reward (recompense).

    ²⁷[Motivated] by faith he left Egypt behind him, being unawed and undismayed by the wrath of the king; for he never flinched but held staunchly to his purpose and endured steadfastly as one who gazed on Him Who is invisible.^(P)

Back to the Philippines

I arrived back in the Philippines on Friday, January 7th.  I almost got sent back to Hong Kong because I didn't have a departure ticket from the Philippines.  Immigration wasn't going to let me into the country without one.  Fortunately, God worked out this unexpected expense for my favor.  I was able to get an "open ticket" which means I don't have to commit to a departure date, but I still was able to get into the country.

I was warmly received back to IFL.  It was so good to see everyone here again!  Aubrey (the little baby I took care of) now blows bubbles and "sings" as well as rolls over!  It's amazing how much little babies change in short periods of time! (Sorry, I don't have an updated picture of her yet.)

I hit the ground running when I returned here.  The extended schedule for school started the Monday I got back, and that meant all of the mistakes I made when I scheduled teachers had to be corrected by then.  It also meant that I started teaching the high school students (which I love doing!).  We made it through with only minor bumps, praise the Lord!

Monday night, I gave a brief training to some of the English teachers.  They were very appreciative of the things I shared. (It was about how to help struggling students.)

I feel like my purpose here is made more clear.  My trip to the states put so many things in perspective for me!  I have come to the realization that I don't know how to be a missionary.  I don't know how to love.  And this is exactly where God wants me so that I can learn.  I woke up one morning and realized just how often I ask the wrong question.  The daily question is not, "What am I going to do today?" but, "How am I going to love today?"  What a paradigm shift this is causing in me!

I now have a 100 square meter garden that I am working in.  It started as just a small portion of it, but I have more time and desire than just the one portion necessitates.  So, I am SLOWLY learning how to make 100 square meters feed a family.  I am really enjoying my time there each day. Mirasol likes helping me, too. :-)

Mirasol found her own tool to help me spread compost.

She never stopped giggling the whole time we worked!

I have also learned how to make earrings.  I still need to buy my own pliers.  I figure I can do it as a hobby now and teach it as a livelihood later in life.  I made a few pairs of earrings already, borrowing a pair of pliers until I can get my own. :-) Here's a picture of my first pair.

I also started taking guitar and voice lessons.  Yes, I am learning how to sing!  I'm so excited about this!  I have ALWAYS surrounded myself with skilled musicians, but have never been able to talk to them in musical terms.  Now, I am being prepared to be a better coach for worship!

On the worship note, I have shared my music with one of the worship leaders here.  He taught the team "Stay Amazed" from the God Be Praised CD and played it at the youth group last week.  Something shifted in the spiritual atmosphere that night.  Worship hasn't been the same ever since!

I am preparing for a teacher seminar that will be presented February 18th and 19th.  It will cover topics ranging from classroom management to learning how to learn to forming effective questions.  I AM SOO EXCITED to do this!! Please keep this covered in prayer.

I chopped my hair off.  It is now barely below my shoulders.  I really like it! I think I was 14 years old the last time it was this short!

In other news, Aubrey and Genesis moved to the "playroom."  That means they are no longer my roommates.  I miss them!  And Tina's sponsor is here visiting for a week, staying in the room that Genesis and Aubrey once occupied.  It's already been really good to find out more about why Tina decided to study and where she came from.

I had a frog in my shower one night that I was here.  The next morning, he was in my bed.  So, with a little help from a friend, I have the workings of a new story.  Please keep praying for these story projects.   I don't yet know what God wants to do with them, but they keep coming. :-)

This is my pillow.  Did he think I was sleeping beauty?????

I have felt your prayers and the presence of the Lord in a very tangible way.  As you pray, I gain more understanding of my role here and my thoughts about choosing a different path are silenced.  Thank you!  Please don't stop.  I know the Lord is not yet finished with me being here and your prayers are causing His work to be accomplished in my life and others.  

Even when I don't understand His ways, I am confident that He loves me.  He makes all things beautiful in His time.

America The Refreshing

Living the adventure sometimes blocks blogging about the adventure.  I am now back from America and am in the Philippines again.

America was, well, my home away from Home.  It was SOOOOOOO GOOD to be there!!!!!

On my flight over, I got to tell so many people about Jesus and how He has boundaries to our relationship with Him.  It is from these boundaries that we are able to have and maintain our relationship with the Uncreated One.

I arrived to see my Memaw and Papa waiting for me at the airport.  Shortly after, my parents and brother were there.  It was surreal to see them all.  Then, we went to eat at El Fenix (MEXICAN FOOD!) where many of my closest friends showed up to welcome me home.  So many tears and smiles!!

The next night, my friends arranged for a worship and prayer dinner.  I got to share about my time in the Philippines- the glories and the groans.  It was amazing to be with people who know who I am and will remind me of it when I forget.  We ate, talked, laughed, cried, and prayed together.

I then had wonderful Christmas celebrations with my family.  I ate SOOO much and created so many wonderful memories!

Notice here that I have on 3 layers and my aunt has on a tank top!

After Christmas, I went to the OneThing conference in Kansas City, MO with my friends Nathan and Paige.  We stopped in Tulsa on the way up there and the way back.  We paid for all of the tolls with dimes and pennies.  I won the "Alphabet Game."  The whole trip was full of laughter and amazing conversations.  I got to see my friends Michael and Christy while we were in Kansas City.  They have been my intercessors and friends for over 7 years.  It was so good to see them!  I love that God brought me from the other side of the world to have a divine appointment with them.

The best part of the conference was when I went to the Youth Leaders meeting.  It was there that I received prayer and the joy of the Lord was restored to me.  The leaders asked people to ask God what He thinks about them.  God showed me that He sees me as joyful and dancing.  They also asked people who were frustrated to raise their hands to receive prayer.  I was one of the people who received.  Something shifted inside of me in these moments.  The conference was great.  Worship was awesome, but the miracle is what God did in my heart.

 Paige, Rebecca, Nathan and I

25,000+ people worshipping Jesus

On the way back from Kansas City, I got to have dinner with Melissa.  I've known her since freshmen year of high school and we have been prayer partners and accountability partners ever since.  She is awesome and every second I spent with her was precious even though it was so little.

I was able to go to my church, Gateway Church, once I was back in Texas.  WOW!  What an emotional experience for me to step into the new building for the first time and realize that my prayers had helped build the place.  I was already weeping during the first "happy praise" song!  While I was there, I had many divine appointments with friends, pastors, and leaders.  It was so sweet to be in such a place.

Then, I went to my mom's house in Mineola for a few days of relaxation and "Mommy Time."  I loved being in her beautiful cabin/house and just relaxing.  Again, beautiful memories were created there.

This is the bathtub where I had my first bath as a a baby. :-)

The night before I left, my friends invited themselves over and again, created awesome memories that still have me laughing everyday.  Thank you, Jeremy and Nathan, for not listening to me when I said I was busy! :-)

The day I left, I got to meet with a lot of pastors from Gateway, have a breakfast date with my dad, and see my old students and co-workers.  I was so blessed by all of these appointments!

Visiting America was like drinking straight from a cup of joy.  I left America with a renewed vision for my time in the Philippines.  I am not doing anything different in the Philippines than I did in America.  I am just loving Jesus in a different location and therefore, there is a different expression to this love.