Moving the Heart of God

It seems that God loves to remind me how valuable my tears are to Him.  Moving back has brought about so many mixed emotions.  I often say that my time overseas left a scar on my heart that no matter how much it heals, still hurts if touched in just the right way.  I will never be the same- and never want to be.

This past week was filled with tears over my desire to be in a regular classroom or to be in a foreign country again.  I love my life here.  There is certainly nothing to complain about. But the desire for dreams to be realized often overwhelms me.

Last week, I used up all the pages in my old journal after a time of weeping and moved into one with a plain brown cover.  Journal covers often reflect what the theme of my life will be during the time I write in that particular journal.  As I made my first entry, I asked God, "What is this season going to be about?  What in the world could you be speaking to me through this plain brown cover?"

Immediately, the following journal entry poured forth.

Finally!  A new season! The time I spent on the floor weeping in desperation for You brought- and is bringing- breakthrough.  Thank You that those who sow in tears will reap sheaves of joy.

Psalm 84:6 says, "As they pass through the Valley of Tears, they make it a source of spring water; even the autumn rain will cover it with pools of blessing." The cool autumn weather has come.

I don't know the number of my tears.  I don't know how many more tears I will have to shed in this life.  But I have multiple promises that they matter to You.

Psalm 56 says that You catch each one and turn it into a weapon.  I imagine my silver tears falling down my cheeks being transformed into silver bullets.

Psalm 126 says that tears are seeds for joy.

In 2 Kings, the tears of Hezekiah moved Your heart to extend his life.

Esther's tears saved the Jewish people.

Job's tears laid the way for the Arbitrator to come (Job 16:20-22).

David wept for the kingdom.

Jesus wept for Lazarus, for Jerusalem, for us.

Tears move the heart of God.  Over and over again, tears bring deliverance.

And then, I'm reminded of the vision of Jesus I had over a year ago.  The waterfall of tears from His eyes create the river of mercy we all long to swim in.

In Jeremiah 9, the people are encouraged to weep while trusting in the mercy, love, justice, and righteousness of the Lord (Jeremiah 9:1, 17-24). Jeremiah was known as the weeping prophet.  He wept over every judgement he had to give.  And he was given the message of redemption and love.  He was entrusted with a message of hope in the midst of destruction.  I wonder how much of his tears played a part in moving Your heart to bring the promise of redemption.

Holy Spirit, I will weep with You, knowing joy will be reaped in every place I sow.  You set the growing season.  So I'll just sow and receive when it's time to reap.

But even a farmer doesn't continually sow- there is a season to wait and hope.  A season where the sowing ceases.  Holy Spirit, what is this season?  I think it's the season for sowing, not harvesting.  So, I'll sow with You.  As You promised Jeremiah (31:6), hope and restoration is coming.

I'll sow with You.  You can have my tears.  As the tears of a wife move a loving husband into action, so my tears move the heart of my loving God.  I love You, God.  And if tears are an expression of love, then so be it.

What time is it?

I am a compulsive planner.  My desk, mind, and trash can are filled with hour by hour written out schedules.  I am constantly checking the time and analyzing how much has been accomplished in the last five minutes.

Some people would call this an asset, a desirable skill.  It's more like an obsession for me.  Is there a group for "Time-Checkers Anonymous"?

When I returned from the Philippines, the clock in my car stopped working.  No big deal, I have my phone by which to check the time.

Last night, I left some dear friends of mine around 11pm.  I had a 30-45 minute drive ahead of me.  That meant, I had plenty of time to monitor my progress, plan the number of hours I was going to sleep, plan my wake up time, plan... plan... plan.

Except, my phone was not in my purse.  And because I spent 20 minutes searching for it once I arrived home, my plans for sleep were foiled.  Luckily, I had an extra alarm clock.

I set my alarm and nestled down into bed, excited about my 6 and one-half hours of sleep.

Except, I woke up on my own after only 6 hours.  There went my plan!

As I got ready, I realized that all the clocks in the house are fast by different amounts.  There went my plan to know how long I had to do each activity!

Knowing that I needed a watch of some sort in order to survive my 30-40 minute drive to work this morning, I found an old watch, set it to the minute according to the time on my computer, grabbed a timer for work, and darted out the door.

I was on time to work (MIRACLE!) but my student wasn't ready yet.  There went my minute-by minute lesson plan!

As I left work, I compared my watch to the time on my client's microwave.  "11:10 am," the microwave said.  My watch: 4:07.  What time zone am I in again?!

Homeward bound, I got a few minutes away from work, only to realize my timer had been left behind.  How much time did I spend to go back?  At this point, I didn't really care.

My client and I had a good laugh as their family dog (beast) blocked the door as I tried to leave the second time.

I arrived home at some point.  As I pondered how much time I had to eat, study, get my phone from my friend, etc., before going to my next job, I realized it doesn't matter.

What time is it?

This question cannot be answered with a mere number any longer.

It is time to trust.

It is time to trust that God will direct my path.

It is time to trust that I hear and respond to His voice.

It is time to trust that I will not miss His time.

What time is it?